Meeting Larry Hagman at His Home: My Trip to Heaven

When I first heard that Larry Hagman had named his home in Ojai, California Heaven, I groaned. Come on now, Heaven? Well, now that I've been there, I changed my mind. The name just fits. Words cannot describe the view from that house. I only have pictures from the drive up. It would have been rude to whip out the camera at the house, although I did ask for photos of us at the end, and we got several. Good thing, no one would ever believe this story otherwise. This fantastic experience came about when my friend Maria won an auction for charity to have dinner with Larry and Maj Hagman. She graciously allowed me to get in on the deal.

The drive up the mountain was scary, narrow, twisting and turning, ever upward, until we reached his gate. After we announced our arrival, the gate opened, and the long drive continued, with breathtaking views. I bet they wondered what took us so long. There was a second gate farther down the road, but it was open. At the house, we were greeted by Larry's wife Maj, Rick of the charity MAPS, who sponsored this dinner, and a two of the Hagman's dogs. They have four dogs, Labs, who are very friendly. I was amused to note the males were not fixed. They took us inside, where Larry, in a patterned blue shirt, white pants and ever present hat, greeted us. We gave him our gifts. He opened Maria's first, a pink tie with a cartoon of Jeannie and the bottle painted on it. He put it on, and we then were called into the living room. The house is completely open, including a huge sunroof. Luckily a strong breeze kicked up as we arrived, somewhat of a relief for the 100 degree heat we had that day.

The house is designed for indoor/outdoor living, open to the usually moderate climate. Maj is the creative force behind most of the decor, and she has done a wonderful job. There is a portrait of Larry hanging high, overlooking the living room. A comfortable couch, chairs and table are near the front of the room. A huge armoire stands to one side, completely filled with CDs. Music is piped throughout the house, with controls in each room. "Miserere", by italian singer Zucchero, with Luciano Pavarotti and Andrea Bocelli, is playing as we enter the room. Behind the couch is a low wall, revealing a pool as we walk around to the other side of the large area. On one side, there is a jacuzzi. Larry explained that it is of Maj's design, with multiple levels for people of different heights. The water bubbled up as Larry turned it on. It looked inviting! Finally, we strode towards one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever encountered. The ground fell away at the the end of the open tiled room, giving a feeling of being on the edge of a cliff. There is nothing built up nearby, just a valley and mountains in the distance. Nature in all it's glory!

Larry Hagman peppers his speech with obscenities. He does this for effect, and with his impeccable comic timing, it's funny, not offensive! He takes us on a tour of his beautiful home. We saw Larry's office hideaway, a very manly place, weapons all around. Despite his apparent gentle nature, and fondness for animals, Larry enjoys hunting and fishing. He asks me to sit in his leather chair. It is very comfortable and relaxing. He shows us an amazing gun, engraved with portraits of the cast of Dallas, and Southfork. He was cleaning it because he is going to donate it to the Mary Martin/Larry Hagman museum in Weatherford, Texas. Yes, this man definitely deserves a museum! Larry points to the beautifully curving staircase that led to this room. It was Maj's idea, a design they had seen many times in Europe. The local officials gave them trouble when it was in the planning stages, saying it just didn't work mathematically. After being reminded of the centuries long endurance of the European version, they relented. It is a masterpiece!

We went outside, where Larry showed us his solar panels. A small one powers the well, and a gigantic one, bigger than some people's houses, puts out enough electricity to run the entire residence. Larry's electric bill is usually around $13 a month, and sometimes he gets to sell some of it back! Another advantage became clear to me later that night when I got back to my hotel room: the clock was blinking. Larry never lost power.

There is another pool outdoors. This one is in two sections, but they are connected, making it possible to swim underwater to get from one side to the other. Larry explained the need for so much water on the property. In the event of a fire, it would be impossible to get water up the mountain, so they must have it on hand at all times.

The Hagman's have six chickens on the premises. Larry used to feed them eggshells, but they grew to like it so much they started to eat their own eggs!

Larry Hagman then took us up to the tower. Climbing first a regular staircase, then a metal spiral one, we reached an open area with a bed suspended from the ceiling. Another Zucchero song, the hauntingly beautiful, "I Lay Down", was playing as we approached the bed. "Oh, that's bat shit", Larry said, casually wiping the specks off the mattress, and invited us all to sit down, motioning for me to get in the middle, next to him, which I gladly did.

Larry starts the bed moving. And starts talking to me. So there I was, in bed with Larry Hagman, his face just inches from mine, looking into his eyes. He may be 74, but, damn, he still has an effect on me! I behaved myself, though it wasn't easy!

Next, Larry asked anyone not afraid of heights to follow him. A gate opens from the tower, leading to a roof. The peak is a few feet wide, and there is a large platform several feet away. There is no railing, and we are high off the ground, yet we follow without question. Such is the power of the moment and of this man's personality. I'll never forget the image of Larry Hagman standing on top of his home, on top of a mountain, arms outstretched, overlooking the valley, as if it were all his kingdom! 56 years in show business, ego intact!

Once safely inside again, gorgeous wooden doors open up to a rec room with a pool table. Stuff Larry collected over the years is all around. We then walked down the hall towards the dining room, slowly, looking at all of the photos and artwork. The famous portrait of Jock (Jim Davis) from Dallas was there. Another portrait of Larry was on another wall. It may be the one that Cally painted on Dallas. Family photos were all around, and I felt a little funny that I recognized most of the people in them! Larry showed us where the bathrooms were so we could wash up, and retreated to his own. Good move, as most of us helped brush guano off of the tower mattress!

The dining room table was large and round, with a monstrous lazy susan in the center. Chicken with asparagus and rice was served. Dinner conversation was unusual, to say the least. Maj told of a trip to Bombay, where she learned of the local custom of hanging dead bodies from trees for three days. Larry told of his long held plan to have his body run through a wood chipper, plowed into a field, and have wheat (and some marijuana) gown, eventually making a cake from it. Problem: who would be willing to run a body through a chipper? Kind of messy. We decided freezing him first would be the answer. When it was pointed out that his body would not make the best fertilizer, Larry shot back "So mix me with cow shit!"

"Of course.....Wanna play strip poker? I've got some scars you wouldn't believe!"

Nothing was off limits here: politics (our dumb president), religion (they are not fond of the organized variety), the environment (there are five Toyota Priuses in the family), and, of course, sex. TV sex, that is.

Larry looked at his watch, then excused himself to turn on the VCR to tape Nip/Tuck. Guess he can't program the thing. Or this was all planned in advance. Larry will be on Nip/Tuck for it's fourth season, and the discussion next turned to his upcoming role. Maj was amazed at how explicit the show is. I've since seen it; she is right! Larry was asked to be on the show, but isn't being paid much, or so he says. Still, he is having a great time with it and will be in seven episodes, up from four originally. The storyline sounds wild. He is married to a young black woman, and thinks his balls are too small, so he looks into getting surgery to make them larger. Then, she starts fooling around with one of the hot young doctors, and he catches them in the act. She assumes their marriage is over, but no. He can't get it up, and loves her, wants her to be happy, and asks if he can watch! Next, as I am trying to eat my dessert, Larry starts talking about his character getting a penile implant! OK, this has got to be great, I KNOW Larry will be wonderful! Can't wait! Desert, by the way, was delicious. Strawberries, blueberries and strawberry mousse in a pastry shell.

One story I particularly liked was from Maj, who is from Sweden. She seems to be not too fond of Texas culture! She adored the women, but wasn't so crazy about the men. The women, of course, slave away to make a wonderful dinner. Just before they eat, they all join hands and pray, thanking God for the food. Larry's half-brother Gary made the mistake of trying this while a guest of Larry and Maj's. She told him off! Said She made the dinner, not God!!! I love it!

After dinner, we headed towards the living room, passing by the entrance, graced with a large painting of a flower, done by Larry and Maj's daughter Kristina. Larry noticed my gift, which he hadn't opened yet. I gave him matted prints of two of my photos, Larry and Maj seemed to be impressed with the hummingbird most. Back in the living room, Larry wanted to show us "Oxnard" a town nearby. He kept making fun of the name, but the view: Wow. A long way down in the valley the lights of Oxnard twinkled, with many stars visible in the sky above! Just amazing.

We took photos, difficult in the dark. At one point I was getting frustrated with my inability to see, and Larry came up to me and made a suggestion. As he spoke to me, he rested his hand on my forearm. He has the most incredibly gentle, calming touch, seeming to genuinely care. I got the photos, as my camera can see in the dark a lot better than I can! As we were leaving, I tried to get a shot of one of the dogs.....

The dog came up to me as I attempted to take his photo

..... And got a doggy kiss instead!

As this wonderful evening came to a close, Maria asked for a hug and got one, and so did I!

Larry Hagman is a fascinating man. He has the wisdom that comes with age, yet he is not living in the past. He is enthusiastic about his current projects and has an open mind. He is aware of his own status and accomplishments, proud of it, but always treated us with kindness and respect. He is positive and upbeat, charming, with a larger than life personality, great charisma, and is just plain fun! You never know what he is going to say next. Larry also has a strong physical presence, still standing tall, making the most of his 6'1" height. He walks with confidence, having no problem sitting down or getting up, or climbing stairs. Or walking on the peak of a roof for that matter! Larry and Maj Hagman are very down to earth, friendly people, who made us feel at home. They treated us like friends! I will never forget my trip to Heaven!